The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
