dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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