quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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