I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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