I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
