your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
