i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
