i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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