just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
