this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
