I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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