wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
