I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
