My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
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