I can text with my tongue
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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