My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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