RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
