one might say we're banned from that church
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
