I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
