I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
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Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
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Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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