some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
