I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
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Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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