I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
