Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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