i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
