he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
