No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
