Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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