so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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