I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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