Got a toothbrush?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
