It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
