If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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