her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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