sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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