We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Randomize
