Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
