My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
