I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
