do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
handjob tips. give me some.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
