we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
