Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
