Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
