Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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