So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
drinking out of a sandbucket again
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
