If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
