I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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