Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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