Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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