The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
