so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
