She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
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She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
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It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.