Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
yeah, it was that bad.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.