Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
