I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.