Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY