"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions