worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.