If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
