you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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