just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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