I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
