i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
