Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
