If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
This baby is an asshole
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
