My hair reeks of homosexuality.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize