seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
