I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
