marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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