5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
