in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
