for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
