I got chris browned last night
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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