It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
