dude i'm inner monologue high
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
