Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
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you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
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I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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