Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
