He asked to "fluff my boner.."
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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