I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
