those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
