so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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