It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
