It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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