Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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