Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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