i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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