hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
