How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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