I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
