$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
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