I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
