____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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